Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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