I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
