I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
