Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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