I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
