My nipple is on Facebook.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
