i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
