just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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