the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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