My nipple is on Facebook.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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