I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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