Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
