there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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