my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
