my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
what is it with giant penises always finding me
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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