On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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