oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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