I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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