Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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