at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
