Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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