sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
