I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
