respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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