well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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