she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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