i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
