Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
