would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
