Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
