I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
