It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
