Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
