You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Randomize
