Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
