How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
