i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
