I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
