Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Randomize
