I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
