so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
