I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The feeling are messing with the penis
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
