He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
