; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
