It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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