I like my sex mixed with concussions.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
