yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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