HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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