i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
