There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize