Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
