The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
