I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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