What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
