Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
