I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
