ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
