Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
