Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
