What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
And the cops told us we were all naked.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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