Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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