He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
This can only be settled by a dance off.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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