Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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