I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i think i just lost a toe
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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