why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
