There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
