no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
