The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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