I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
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