In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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