Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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