$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
