My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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