I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
